the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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