explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
