I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am midnight drunk by noon
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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