Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
