Non-Jews are for practice
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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