Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
