Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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