I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
