I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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