yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
