Soap is not a condiment
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
