I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
