Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
