So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
