They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
