made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
