I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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