i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
