Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
