Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
