My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
