I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
