so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
