I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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