I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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