Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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