Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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