Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
