He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
