His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
