Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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