My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
