On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
