I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
