Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
