Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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