the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
