My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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