we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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