GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
