grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
