and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
