i permit you to call me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
