i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
