Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
