Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
