girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
