The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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