I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
