seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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