you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
