in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
