I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
