Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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