carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
